Members of Debbie Palmer's family gathered to share stories with paNOW about her lasting impact on so many people. Not pictured are her sons Jamison and Timothy Quinton. (Teena Monteleone/paNOW Staff)

By Teena Monteleone

‘She wanted to stop things that weren’t OK’: Warrior for women and children’s rights dies

Jan 22, 2020 | 4:29 PM

Debbie Palmer knew how to make people feel special.

Her family said the 64-year old corrections officer often sang to the inmates at Pinegrove Correctional Centre where she worked. She never seemed to get annoyed by the endless questions of a child. And she gave so much of herself even when she didn’t have much to give.

“Her strength was our glue and it will continue to hold so many people and families together,” her daughter Jolene Generoux said.

Palmer passed away peacefully in her sleep last Sunday.

She spent her lifetime advocating for women and children – particularly those affected by polygamy.

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A polygamist past

Palmer’s parents moved to Bountiful, British Columbia when she was a toddler and joined the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS) whose members practice polygamy. She had 46 siblings. At the age of 15, Palmer became the sixth wife to Ray Blackmore, a man 40 years her senior and the leader of the community. She was a widow by 18 before she was placed in two other plural marriages. She had eight children.

“She had some different experiences that exposed her to the outside world… like nurses she met in hospital who were able to open her mind that what she had been told wasn’t true – that people on the outside were scary people she had to stay away from,“ Generoux said. “She knew the things that were happening in the community were not OK.”

In the late 80s, Palmer escaped from Bountiful with all of her children. Soon after, she urged police and politicians to charge the fundamentalist Mormon leaders with abuse of women and children. Three decades passed before two former bishops of the FLDS were convicted of polygamy. One of them was her stepbrother James Oler, and the other was her brother-in-law and stepson, Winston Blackmore.

Palmer’s sister, Jane Blackmore said: “I wished so many times I could be like her and be brave. She always stood up for what she believed and had to know the truth no matter what the consequences to her were. I was always amazed that she would go on and on seeking the truth and seeking justice. I loved and admired her for that throughout her whole life.”

Palmer’s activism left her shunned by the community and other family members. She was diagnosed with a number of mental health conditions including PTSD, OCD, ADD, anxiety and bipolar disorder. Her son Merlin Palmer said it was difficult to witness her being scared for most of her life. Despite that, she continued to put her children first.

“Mom made sure all of us got the support we needed to be able to deal with any problems that didn’t just come up from growing up in a community that was closed, but the feeling of otherness that we all had because of where we came from. She tried her best to make sure that we understood our own mental health situations weren’t something to be ashamed of,” he said.

Leaving a mark on the community

Palmer settled her family in Prince Albert in 1996 and used whatever community resources she could to provide for them. Her children cited the Prince Albert Housing Authority for finding them a home, the local food bank for meals on the table and other community groups like the Kinsmen who supported them.

“She reached out to any group that she could in the community for resources because she wanted a full life for us to keep us busy and out of trouble,” Generoux said.

“The community helped us a lot,” Merlin Palmer added. “Mom took advantage of programs where she could get toys and meals for us. I don’t think any of us would be where we are without her strength. I know the strength that I have now is because of her.”

Debbie Palmer authored a book called Keep Sweet: Children of Polygamy that journals her experiences growing up. She was the feature of a documentary film called Leaving Bountiful and she acted as a consultant in the production of In God’s Country – a movie about a mother in a polygamist community who takes a stand to save her daughter. She also worked at the Prince Albert Multicultural Society before becoming a corrections officer.

“Mom helped numerous immigrants get settled. She would give her own property to some of them,” Generoux said. “I want people to know how hard she worked for her kids and other families.”

Debbie Palmer passed away at the age of 64. (submitted photo/Facebook)

Although Palmer stepped away from the limelight in recent years when it came to her activism against polygamy, she continued to reach out to those affected by the practice.

“Mother sent thousands of messages and even Snapchats to kids who just left the religion or community. She was the first to reach out and she helped them and got them what they needed,” her son Ryan Palmer said.

Prior to her passing, Palmer’s family said they noticed a difference in her demeanor – a feeling of peace and an openness they hadn’t seen before.

“She was able to participate in our lives in a way she hadn’t in a long time, in new and amazing ways because she never held a grudge for any of the pain that she went through and she never had anger. She always had love and her home was open to anyone who needed it. And she was finally starting to be free of that fear,” Merlin Palmer said.

“I am so thankful that’s the way her time ended — finally opening up and really participating in life.”

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teena.monteleone@jpbg.ca

On Twitter: @TeenaMonteleone